Good Tunes Thursday - and a promise.

I promise that I won't post an April Fools post tomorrow.  I was tempted to, but I figured it would be too obvious.

Now, on to the good song of the week!

All Apologies is a classic tune.  The studio version has those amazingly distinctive Steve Albini production drums, but I love the live version from MTV Unplugged.

It's not just grunge nostalgia talking either.  Nirvana's In Utero is still a great album, showing a growth in song writing that sadly was cut short by Cobain's death.

Battle for Los Angeles and a few pop musings

Big thanks to my friend Jimmy for the free ticket to Battle for Los Angeles this evening.  Not a great movie by any means (the cameraman needs to be shot, or least learn how to steady a shot), but moments like "Look it's Michelle Rodriguez!" .... "Hey, it really is Michelle Rodriguez!"  made for a hilarious movie.  Worth a Netflix rental when it comes out on DVD.

Fireflies by Owl City is an awful, awful song.  I'm not against snyth-driven, light hearted pop, (heck, I really dig Shiny Toys Gun), but when I hear whining about planet Earth moving slowly I want to punch the lead singer in the face.  My only fear would be that he would write a song complaining about the pains in a whiny falsetto.

I heard some vocals about only having you coming through my speakers, and thought "Is this a new chick rocker?"
Shazam revealed it to be Adam Lambert. 
So... new chick rocker, then?

Can women rock?

Do on my ride home I heard Jessie James - Wanted, a forgettable pop tune with a rock and roll exterior.  Female pop stars seem to want to have a little bit of a rock star sheen, and will do a quasi rock song.  Britney did a cover of "I Love Rock and Roll" and more recently Rihanna did "Rockstar 101."

Aside from pop stars singing faux rock songs, have there been any female fronted rock bands of note any time recently?  (Avril Lavigne doesn't count, she's a corporate anti-Britney)  There are the female rock fore-mothers of course, Joan Jett, Janis Joplin, Pat Benetar and the like, but who carries this forward today?


A look at Billboard's top rock songs from 6/20/09 to now shows the following number 1 artists: 
Green Day, Linkin Park, Alice in Chains, Foo Fighters, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Stone Temple Pilots, Shinedown, The Dirty Heads, Disturbed, Stone Sour, The Black Keys, and Cage the Elephant.

All male fronted rock bands.  Over those many weeks, there wasn't a single female fronted rock band at number one, and a cursory glance of the top 10 is a combination of the above bands, with some Green Day and Papa Roach thrown in. 


If you check the Alternative charts I see Evanescence at number four back in 2006, but since then I can't recall a high charting female fronted rock band.  

I wonder why this is.  Is it a marketing issue?  In our overly pornified society would we pay attention to a woman rocker who wasn't calling attention to her looks and sexuality?  Taylor Momsen seems to be making strides with her career, but I never hear anything about her music, just her shocking antics (and the fact that she's technically jailbait for another few months).  Even Evanescence seemed to thrive off their quasi-goth look, and faded out just as quickly as the resurfacing of that style did.       

Rock music has an ability to transcend time.  The Rolling Stones are still touring, and millions of people are still fans of The Beatles, Led Zepplin, and Pink Floyd.  Current groups like the Foo Fighters have been going strong for 15 years and seem like they could have the stuff to endure.

Where is the female-fronted group that will have this rock longevity today?  Can one even come into being?  You'd think that they would be huge already if they existed.  Is it a band out now that I'm overlooking?      

Discuss! 

(I apologize for any incoherence.  I started writing this while cooking dinner, took a break to eat and play Shoots and Ladders, then had to put my son to bed.)


Song requests?  Shoot me an email!
Follow me on Twitter!

My 10 Favorite Weird Al Yankovic songs

Weird Al is one of my favorite artists.  The master of parody, and a talented writer of original songs, Weird Al's Alapalooza was one of the only tapes I owned.  Bad Hair Day was the first CD I purchased with my own money.  I've seen him live once, and am hoping he comes to Atlanta again soon.

With my bona fides as a fan established, I'd like to share my 10 favorite songs, in no particular order.

Dare to be Stupid

I'm a Devo fan, so naturally I love this style parody.  The lyrics are funny, the video is entertaining, and it was used in the real Transformers movie.


Smells Like Nirvana

A spot on send up of grunge juggernauts Nirvana, this is still a fun track to sing/mumble along with.

Bedrock Anthem

Red Hot Chilli Peppers meets the Flintstones!


Everything You Know is Wrong

 I can call up my sister to this day and we can quote this back in forth.  One of my favorites for the absurdity alone.

Since You've Been Gone

Do you love acapella music?  Do you love songs where the lyrics and style are in discord?  Then you'll love this!

Pretty Fly (For A Rabbi)

My friends will find the inclusion of this song no real surprise.

Germs

I love Weird Al for taking a super serious genre populated by folks like Nine Inch Nails, and turn it into a germophobe anthem.

White and Nerdy

My 5 year old knows one rap song.  This is it, and it makes people chuckle to hear him sing it.


Trapped in the Drive Thru

Really long?  Yes  Ridiculous?  Yes.  The fact that the lyrics could happen to anyone make a great counterpoint to R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet.  You might think that a song with lyrics like "I can't believe it's a midget!" would belong to Mr. Yankovic, but alas, only a mask wearing lunatic could come up with something like that.


So there you have it, my 10 favorite Weird Al songs.  This list could honestly change at any given moment, but that is the nature of a top 10 list from an artist who has 11 studio albums (not counting the UHF soundtrack).

Katy Perry - E.T. (ft. Kanye West)

Katy Perry.  A marginally talented singer who burst in to the pop limelight by singing about kissing a girl and liking it.  She's extended her 15 minutes of fame by working with top producers to churn out hits.  I imagine shooting whipped cream and fireworks from her boobs hasn't hurt either.

Perry's newest hit is sitting right now at number 2, just under "Born This Way."  Let's take a look at this not-quite chart topper.

This song is just dripping with an understated malevolence.

"You're so hypnotizing
Could you be the devil
Could you be an angel"

This is the second song on the charts (the other being "Just Can't Get Enough") that talks about a lover being a devil or demon.  Why is this being mentioned now?

"Your touch magnetizing
Feels like I am floating
Leaves my body glowing"

Hypnotism, floating... I suppose it goes with the extraterrestrial theme, but it leaves me unsettled.  There are all kinds of metaphors for the beginnings of love, but don't they typically provide you with positive connotations?  Help you recall the butterflies in stomach feelings of young, fledgling love. 

"They say be afraid
You're not like the others
Futuristic lover
Different DNA
They don't understand you
You're from a whole other world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I'm ready to go
Lead me into the light"

I've heard of a love from across the tracks, but this is a little extreme.  Again, the "lead me into the light" lyrics are unnerving.  You've asked if your lover is a devil, is it really wise to follow him into the light?

"Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison"


Love is a beautiful and wonderful thing.  Why is Perry calling love an infection?  Why is it poison?  Lady Gaga informed us that "if it ain't rough it isn't fun" and this is continuing in that vein.  I hate this direction for pop music.  Early Beatles songs told us "she loves you, and you know you should be glad."  Now, love is poison and infection. 


"Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction"

Want to be a victim?  YIKES!  These are some creepy, submissive lyrics.


There are more lyrics from Perry, but they're more generic supernatural and alien filler nonsense.

Now let's take a look at Kanye's offerings on this track.

"I got a dirty mind
I got filthy ways
I'm trying to bathe my ape
In your milky way
I'm a legend
I'm irreverent
I be reverend
I be so far u-u-uup
We don't give a f* f****"

Trying to bathe your ape?  Did you really just reference a clothing line that no one has paid attention to for 3 or so years?  "Your milky way" He drops it like it's a clever punchline, but it's just corny.

"Welcome to the danger zone
Step into the fantasy
You are not invited
To the other side of sanity
They callin' me an alien
A big headed astronaut
Maybe it's because your boy Yeezy get a** a lot"

The first two lines sound like they were stolen from 80's music.
I'll stay on the non-Sheen/Kanye side of sanity thanks.  Very few have done enough drugs to get an invite to that side. 
Kayne should clean out his ears, as I'm sure people were calling him something other than astronaut.  It started with "a" though.

"I know a bar out in Mars
Where they drivin' spaceships instead of cars"

Ok, this is a fine, sci-fi rap lead in.  

"Cop a Prada space suit about the stars"

Name brand drop!  I don't feel "about the stars" makes any sense.  Definitely added to complete the rhyme.

"Gettin' stupid high straight up out the jars"

Can someone explain this to me?  What does it mean to get high out of the jar?

"Pockets on Shrek
Rockets on deck"

Your pockets are like onions?  They have layers?  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?  Was Shrek the only thing you could think of that rhymed with deck?  I guess Shrek is green like money, but that's a bit of a stretch.    


"Tell me what's next? Alien Sex?
I'ma disrobe you
Then I'ma probe you
See, I abducted you
So I tell you what to do"

Malevolent!  I abducted you, so I tell you what to do?  That doesn't sound like a consensual probing to me!


The poppy, upbeat semi-happy NIN beat underscores creepy lyrics.  Perry puts on a boring performance, singing in a breathy voice.  Kayne drops a boring verse.  Why is this number 2?!  Perry has put out three other singles from her Teenage Dream album, and they're all acceptable pop fluff.  This just sucks. 

(This single done by request.  You're welcome Chelsea!)

(Edited to update the music video)
(To those who find this post via Google,
"Bathe my ape in your milky way" means he wants to place his penis inside a vagina.  Bathe my ape is a reference to the Bathing Ape clothing line.

"Pockets on Shrek" means he has a lot of money.)

Suggestions?  Shoot me an email!
On Twitter?  Follow me!

Jennifer Lopez - On the Floor (ft. Pitbull)

Ok, it's kind of cheating, since this is only a Pitbull feature and not his song, but I was already spilling out vitrol for Pitbull, so here comes another dose.

Take a look at the video.  It's Jenny from the block, trying to remake herself into a relevant artitst after a long hiatus!

Crazy hairdo and weird dress?  It's Lady Gaga theft!
Straightened hair and skintight bodysuit? It's Beyonce theft?
Midriff baring outfit, with camera focus on the booty? It's Shakira theft!

Now, J.Lo was out before Gaga and contemporaneously with Beyonce and Shakira, but those artists have claimed those attributes in the public imagination.  I give her props for not pulling a Christina Aguilara "Not Myself Tonight" video and just straight up stealing Gaga's weirdness like so many artists are doing.  She borrows from three, and does a kind of video mashup.  Forgettable, but safely middle of the road. 


On to the music!

The little horn riff that plays throughout reminds of the Cirque du Soleil music my wife has played for me.  I guess it's an attempt to have a more international sound.  Heck, I don't guess, I know that's what it is.  How?  Because they randomly and pointlessly shout out international cities.  "Brazil Morocco London to Ibiza Straight to LA, New York Vegas to Africa"



[Pitbull]
"I'm loose
And everybody knows I get off the train
Baby it's the truth
I'm like Inception I play with your brain
So I don't sleep I snooze
I don't play no games so don't get it confused no
Cos you will lose yeah
Now pump it up
And back it up like a Tonka truck "


Everybody knows you get off the train?  WHAT?!  Everyone eventually gets off the train, even the homeless guy who rides it all day.  Gotta love the Inception reference that Will.i.am, amongst others, have already made.  The midget cannot rap. Why is he on this song again?  What does his guest verse bring? 

But wait! There's more Pitbull.

"That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy
Seven tray donkey donk
All I need is some vodka and some coke
And watch and she gon' get donkey konged
Baby if you're ready for things to get heavy
I get on the floor and act a fool if you let me dale
Don't believe me just bet me
My name ain't Keith but I see why you Sweat me
L.A. Miami New York
Say no more get on the floor"



Vodka and coke? That's an.. interesting drink combo.  OJ and vodka I've heard of.  Coke and rum I've heard of, but coke and vodka?  Keith Sweat reference? Lame, but funny.  He pulls it off like it's clever punchline.  Clearly he's a bit full of himself, but this is an occasion where "swag" can't make up for mediocrity.


Do we even need to look a J.Lo's lines?  "blah blah blah on the floor"  repeat ad naseum. 


This is garbage, plain and simple.  Peaked at number 5 on the Billboard Top 100, it's currently sitting at number 13!  I know in the last post I asked people to recognize the difference between club and radio songs.  That doesn't apply here, because this is mediocre on both club and radio levels.  This is about discerning between good music and bad music.  Take a serious, objective look at this.  Average beat, lame chorus, awful guest rapper.  Have our standards lowered this much?  Is Pitbull the only featured artist available?  I'm sure you could have gotten Ludacris at least.  Heck, he's recorded with Enrique Eglesias and Justin Beiber lately.

Pitbull - Hey Baby (Drop it to the Floor) (ft. T-Pain)

A minute and a half of introductory chorus and autotune whaling!  The song starts with a minute and a half of "la la la" and "ohh baby baby."

I'm not gonna do a full lyrical teardown, mostly because there are only two short verses.  I will comment that Pitbull asks to "see what the Lord split ya"

This is sitting at the number 15 on the Billboard, and peaked at number 7!

Folks, learn to differentiate between "club song" and "radio song."

"Hey Baby" is a club song.  A poor one, but let's leave it in the bars and clubs, and off the radio!

(edited to removed paragraph about Hotel Room Service not charting.  Billboard.com has a crappy search engine, and I'll check other places from now on.  I appreciate errors being pointed out.)

No car ride home today means no Good Tunes Thursday

Last night I was tending to my wife, and by this morning (the 24th) her fever seemed to have broken.  She was still not feeling that well, but she went in to work anyway.

Then around 11:30 I got a call at work from my wife's job.  She was super weak, and I had to go pick her up.  I've been nursing her to health (and working from home) all afternoon.

Aside from a still kind of sore throat, her fever is almost entirely gone, and her achey joints now feel better. 


That being said, since she is sleeping much of the day, I will be bringing you a Pitbull double feature. 

A bonus mini rant Nickleback - If Today Was Your Last Day

I imagine the writing process for this song went something like this:
Guy 1: (puffing on a joint) Dude, weren't we suppossed to be writing a song tonight?
Guy 2: (takes a swig from the whisky bottle) Oh yeah we were! Crap... uh, how about we use these motivational posters for lyrics!
Guy 1: Awesome!  Now, let's get some pizza, I have the munchies!


Take a gander at this crap:
"My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride"
It's like they took every motivational poster and graduation quote in a high school yearbook, and slapped them together.  Read the rest here and tell me it doesn's sound like they used a trite quote generator.

YC - Racks (ft. Future)

You'll wanna read along while you listen to this one.  The lyrics are both exceptionally bad and incomprehensible.Also, for those of you not inclined to brave urbandictionary, racks are a stack of thousand dollar bills.  I guess we needed a new slang term to take the place of "stacks."

"Got campaign Going So Strong
Getting Brain While Im Talking On Da Phone
Spend Money When Ya Money's Long
Real Street N*ggas Aint No Clone
We At Da Top Where We Belong
Drank Lean, Rose', Patron
Smoking On 1000 Dollas Worth Of Strong
When Da Club Bout To Hear Dis Sooonngg"

Where to start, where to start?  This is really a song I can identify with!  I too can drink champagne (Asti Spumante is 15 bucks at Kroger, and delicious to boot), and it's not that difficult to make the second line happen either.  For a boast song, this is pretty pedestrian and down to earth to start with.

Ah, now we're getting in to it.  You're a real guy from the street, and you're at the top.  At the top of what exactly?  The top of the game?  You don't even have a wikipedia entry dude!  Go ahead and drink the brand name liquor and smoke your weed, it's the only thing that can keep your delusions of grandeur going.

Gotta Car Lot In My Garage, 
Gotta Condo Down Near The Stars
 I find it hard to believe a no name rapper with his first "hit" song out has more than one vehicle.  And a condo near the stars?  Near can have many meanings in Cali real estate.

Im Geeked Up Off Dem Bars, 
Gotta Car I Aint Even Gotta Park
No Key Push Button To Start, 

This is the second mention I've found lately of a push button starter.  My father had a 1950's era pickup truck that had a push button starter.  A self parking system isn't something all that advanced.  It's an option of current Ford vehicle.  Kind of lame boasts.

She Aint A Dime I Won't Get Hard
Got Hoe's Dat Need A Green Card, 
Say Ima Dogg But I Don't Even Bark
Got Em Biting His Swag Like Sharks, 
When I Hit It Ima Knock It Out The Park"

 ... I didn't really need to hear about what it takes to get you hard!  Don't worry though, non-dimes, at this point Mr. YC is so drunk off the Patron that 5's have had their value double!  He clearly doesn't care about legal status, those hoes have their own special category.  Can't you feel the love and respect for women just radiating from these genius lyrics?


Trap Beat So G*d D*mn Hard, Got Kush Got Lean Got Bar
That RE RE Hard To Scale, Got Bricks Dont Need No Scale
Im Plugged In With The Mail, Im Part Of The Cartel
That ReRock Aint No Clean, 62 Hundred For A Neen
Said Fuck It All Up On Jeans, Ima True Religion Fiend
Got Bands In The Pockets Of My Jeans, Need A Kickstand Way I Lean
Promethazine Fiend, Styrofoam, Sprite And Lean

Wow, this is up for a "most drug references in a verse" award!  He's no Young Jeezy, but he's approaching those levels here.


No Choice Boy I Forced Out Sports, To Go And Cop Sum Ice
Designer On My Mojo, I Live In The Spotlight
Real Street N*gga Aint No Flaw, Yung Future Gotta Keep Dat Raw
My Swag I Gave To You Ni*ggas, Ima Need Me A Round Of Applause
Bravo (Bravo) Bravo (Bravo) Bravo/ BRAVO BRAVO

A little backstory from featured guest Future shows that he was into sports, but upon being forced out he turned to the drug game.  For a rapper no one had heard of, he sure is full of himself.  Is swagger a synonym for monomaniacal levels of self confidence?  

Gotta 100,000 Dollars Worth Of Clothes, Im Froze (Im Froze) Im Cold
 
100k worth of clothes?  That's bad money management man!  You'll never be able to wear all of that mess before it goes out of style.  Also, since when to gangsters brag about their wardrobes?

I Keep Me A Big Bank Roll, I Aint Tricking Off On These H*es
These H*es Bringing Me They Soul, I Wil Never Sell My Soul
 
Someone PLEASE tell this man for future reference (see what I did there?) not to use h*es in back to back lines.  Sloppy, sloppy songwriting.
How exactly does a h*e offer up their soul anyway? 
I believe he hasn't sold his soul though.  According to legend, those who sell their souls to the devil do so in exchange for talent.  This guy doesn't have any of that!

Cash Out On All These Cars, These Foreign (Foreign) Broads
Gotta N*gga Living In The Stars, Im On My Way To Mars
Got Keyshia, Pam And Nicki, They All Wanna Minaj
A.1., Free Band, Free Vans, We Aint Never Gotta G*d D*mn Flarge


Threesome reference!  I gotta create a sidebar with a running total of threesome mentions.


Gotta Know I Keep Dem Racks, I Stay Counting Them Stacks
Dem Girls Want Leave Me Lone, One F*ck Now She Attaaaatched
I doubt your sexual prowess is great enough to inspire attachment after one rendezvous, especially with the amount of drugs and alcohol you consume?  Perhaps the braggadocio is covering up a little problem?

Flow Hot Don't Need No Match, Sell Work Don't Pay No Tax
Im Turned Up To The Maxx, Don't Even Know How To Relaaaax
You know, with rappers like Nas and Ja Rule getting popped for not paying their taxes, I don't know if I'd brag about untaxed income, even if it's from illegal operations.

I Drink So Much Damn Lean, Had To Wake Up On A Bean
Got Racks Off In My Jeans, Man Busting Out The Sceeeene
Got Kush All In My Lungs, Get High Like Cheech & Chong
Eight-Hundred A Zone, Ain't Blowing It Less It's Strooong
 
I believe he does have a lot of kush in his lungs, as he seems to have forgotten, in the course of one song that he already covered the above territory!

She Hate On My iPhone, Catch Mine And Then Im Gone
This Girl Want Leave Me Lone, I Can Not Take Her Hoooome
Im Gone Off Them Bars, B*tch Im Not A Star
Im Driving Foreign Cars, Strapped Up No Bodyguuaaaard

Yadda, yadda, take some random lines that rhyme and finish padding out your verse.


 Thankfully this doesn't seem to be burning up the Billboard charts, but I hear it nearly every day here in Atlanta.  It's not catchy, it has a crappy beat... it's not popular for the reasons that bad songs usually are.  Please, if you hear this on the radio, switch stations immediately and don't change back till you're sure it's over!

(I apologize for any lyrical problems.  I'm going off what I find online.)

Gotta suggestion?  Email me here!
Twitter user? Follow me!

Ke$ha - Sleazy

"I don't need you and your brand new Benz
Or your bourgie friends
And I don't need love looking like diamonds
Looking like diamonds"

Could this be a maturation for Ke$ha?  Not as far as lyrical composition, but song content?  Love is more valuable a commodity than cars and gemstones?  Sounds like a remake of "Love Don't Cost a Thing" by J. Lo.

"Get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy
Get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy
Imma get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy
Imma get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy"

Never mind.

"You can't imagine the immensity of the f*ck I'm not giving
About your money and man servant at the mansion you live in
And I don't wanna go places where all my ladies can't get in
Grab a bottle, some boys, and let's take it back to my basement"

Imagine the immensity of the F you're not giving?  Seriously?  Aren't there better ways of saying you're unimpressed by material possessions?

"And get sleazy, sick of all your lines, so cheesy
Sorry daddy, but I'm not that easy
I'm not gonna sit here while you circle jerk it and work it
Imma take it back to where my man and my girls is"

I can't help but laugh at Ke$ha complaining about cheesy lines.  Has she looked at her own lyrics?
Also, "artists" of today, please stop calling members of the opposite sex mommy and daddy.  It sounds wrong, so, so wrong.  Finally, why are you at the club talking to men when your man is at home?

"Rat-a-tat-tat on your dum-dum drum
The beat's so phat, gonna make me come
Um, um, um, over to your place!"

This makes it on the air?  I suppose "skeet skeet skeet" was ok, so this can pass too?  What are people thinking?  I'm glad it didn't chart above 51, but to make it that high?  People must be high. 

"I don't mean to critique on your seduction technique
But your money's not impressing me, it's kinda weak
That you really think you're gonna get my rocks off
Get my top and socks off, by showing me the dollars in your drop box"

Ironic coming from the singer of "Take It Off," no?

"Me and all my friends, we don't buy bottles, we bring 'em
We take the drinks from the tables when you get up and leave 'em
And I don't care if you stare and you call us scummy
Cause we ain't after your affection, and sure as hell not your money, honey"

If you're bringing a bottle to the club, why are you stealing drinks from people when they leave the table?  We know you're after being called scummy.  We know you WANT people to stare.  The rest of your message in your songs is about embracing freakdom, so I guess this is just re-enforcing that.  I give her points for consistency.  That doesn't change the fact that she's a no talent performer with a flimsy voice and awful subject matter.

Dispatches from Tin Lizzy's part 1

Terrible, terrible music.
1st up Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
I'm sick of this song. Perry is popular for two reasons, and we've seen them shoot fireworks and whipped cream.
And they've switched to a rock playlist.  Offspring, The Doors, and Nirvana? Yes please!
I take it back!   They got terrible.
Maine - I Wanna Love You
Rihanna - S&M
Crapcrapcrap

Sorry about no song post again folks.

I'm not trying to slack! 
What started out as a short morning walk with my wife turned into an 8 mile trek to my mother in law's house and a nasty sun burn on the left side of my face and neck along with my left forearm. 

Aside from playing a little PS3, I've done zilch since the walk.  Sorry again.  I will return Monday with an update of some sort. 

Tomorrow is Saturday

On Saturday I will return with a requested song (Ke$ha's Sleazy).  I would write it tonight, but movie night with my wife. 

I should do the new Rick Roll and drop in the new viral hit "Friday" but I'll not stoop to subjecting you to that awful, awful mess.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Be stereotypical and go listen to some Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphys!  That's half of what I heard on the ride home.

A roast beef sandwhich, boccee ball, and shuffle board

Sorry for the lack of a post last night. I was out all night celebrating a friend's birthday.

Since I didn't provide you with anything to read, let me point you here:
http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/

This is just fantastic stuff.  I look forward to Lefsetz's emails every day.  You should sign up and get them as well.  A curater of the new and great, a reteller of the old and forgotten song.

"Music was better when I was a kid!" Vol. 1

I didn't hear anything today that I hadn't either already heard, so I decided to travel back in time.  I fired up Billboard.com and went to the top 100 from 2001.  2001 marked my high school graduation and my freshman year of college.  I was 17 years old, and spent plenty of time listening to the radio while cruising with my friends (and then downloading the tracks we heard on Napster and Kazaa).

Let's take a look at the top 10 from the week of March 10, 2001.

1) Joe - Stutter (ft. Mystikal)

Wow... I remembering blasting this in Brock's car in the Savannah mall parking lot.  This track holds up surprisingly well.  It's got a catchy beat and solid singing from Joe.  Opinions on Mystikal may vary, but at the time he was huge, especially in the South.  I find his verse enjoyable, but plenty of people dislike him.

2) Crazy Town - Butterfly

I can only shake my head in shame, recalling blasting my bootleg copy of this CD.  Folks, what were we thinking?  Why did this album sell 1.5 million copies?  Granted they were one hit wonders, but not all rap rockers had the decency that Crazy Town did to fade away pretty quickly.


3) Shaggy - Angel (ft. Rayvon)

Look!  It's everyone's favorite novelty Jamacian singer Shaggy!  This was a follow up to "It Wasn't Me," and had the dubious distinction of a follow up song more annoying than the debut single.

4) Lenny Kravitz - Again

The kind of bland rock Lenny Kravitz is known for!  When you're 17 though, this is awesome stuff to your unrefined pallet.  Broke up with a girl? "I wonder if I'll ever see you again."  This isn't bad, just average.

 5) Jennifer Lopez - Love Don't Cost a Thing

Did no one else find this ironic coming from a multi-millionare who dated Ben Affleck, Puff Daddy, and then married Marc Anthony.  Funnily enough, Jennifer Lopez is at number 5 on the Billboard Top 100 right now, the only artist from 2001 currently charting (as far as I can tell anyway). 

6) Shaggy - It Wasn't Me 

No no no no no no no /Shia LeBouf voice.  This sucked then, and it sucks more now. 

7) Madonna - Don't Tell Me

The song that convinced millions their CD players were skipping.  Not my cup of tea.  Next!

8) 112 - It's Over Now
9) Jagged Edge - Promise
Lame R&B groups.  What could possibly be below these?

10) Ja Rule - Put it On Me

 AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, just... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA



There are one or two good tracks here, but music wasn't much better 10 years ago than it is today.







 

Uncle Kracker - Smile

This is a slightly older single, released in 2009, but today was the first time I heard it.  It's exceptionally awful for
two reasons.

1) The lyrics are grade school notebook poetry
2) A middle aged man delivers them

Listen to that, but then imagine someone like Taylor Swift singing it.

Look:

"You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile "

That's not something that Justin Bieber should sing, and here is a grown man making it to number 31 on the Billboard top 100 with this crap.  

Now, if a Disney channel pop star girl were singing this it would be a bad song, but not worth talking about.  However, this guy used to hand with Kid Rock, the dirty, grimy Detroit rap-rocker!  He's gone soft and kinda country just like his mentor, and it's really pretty sad.

My Favorite Albums Vol. 1 Five Iron Frenzy - The End is Here

I remember the first time I heard Five Iron Frenzy.  It was in 1998, maybe 1999.  I was in the Family Christian bookstore, and they had a variety of CD's you could sample stacked beside a few CD players in the store.  Looking through the stack of discs, I saw this disc art:

I opened the jewel case, inserted the disc, and pressed play.  I quickly fell in love with Five Iron.  Catchy, funny, geniuine lyrics and top notch ska-rock music.

Today's post however, is not about my first run in with FIF, but my favorite album of theirs, The End is Here.  As the title implies, this was the last album the band recorded before they amicably parted ways in 2003, and it's sad the band split, because they were at the top of their game on this disc.  They had ditched the pure ska sound at this point, moving into an amzing horn-tinged rock-n-roll.  The lyrics were as funny and clever as they had ever been.  It was a great send off for fans.

However, it's also a great introduction to the band.  This release was actually a 2 disc set, including a live recording of their final concert.  That disc essentially serves as a greatest hits for the band, including fan favorites, some in whole, some in an awesome singalong medley.


Cannonball opens the disc in fine form, but the laughs start in At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys. A favorite track of mine, pointing out how kind of silly it can be to be older and still be into a scene.  How can you wear ties and be punk?  The tongue in cheek delivery and self-derision work well.  

Track 3 is New Years Eve.  Anyone who has ever had that experience of making resolutions, and knowing they won't be able to keep them can connect.  It's one of my favorite songs, both on the album, and in general.  Fantastic lyrics, and the emotion they're delivered with is great.  "I'm tire

Wizard Needs Food, Badly is a standout track.  Nerds love the obvious shoutout to Gauntlet, but beyond that, it's a fantastic track about relationships.  Men want to be wild and free, women want them domesticated.  This can be stifiling.  We men need to feed our wizards, and live this out.

FIF fans get a big nod in That's How the Story Ends.  Over their many albums, there were fan favorite song that the band ended up kind of hating.  Some of these jokey, throwaway tracks would be shouted for at concerts, much to the chagrin of Reese Roper and company.  I'll admit I'm guilty of yelling "Godzilla!" when I first saw them.  This track ties all of them together in one neat little bow.  Micah's "death," the mystery of the pants, and the return of that blue comb that Reese lost back in 1978.      

The album ends with On Distant Shores.  Wow... the opening horns are enough to choke me up a bit.  Take a look/listen.  The final transition into the chorus of Every New Day just... well when they play it on the live album and you hear the the exhilaration of this being the last song they're playing, the swelling voices of the crowd... It's an incredibly moving song, and an amazing farewell.

So go, pick up the album and give it a listen.

Almost, but not quite... Chris Brown - Yeah 3X

No, no no.

What a plebeian, average song.  It sounds like it was made for a "Now That's What I Call Music" collection.  10 years ago, it would have been on a "Jock Jams" disc, tailor made for middle school cheerleader girls to dance to.

It's not especially bad, but it's not able to make that jump to enjoyable.  It's stupid, and not the enjoyable stupid that makes songs like this listenable.  With a beat that sound like an Alice DJ song from the late 90's, and lyrics that... well it's a dance song.  Look at the lyrics... or lack thereof.  The chorus isn't even singable, fun, or catchy.


Follow me on Twitter!
Shoot me an email!

Good Tunes Thursday - In salute of college radio

Prehaps I'm a bit biased (having done a mediocre show on WVVS 90.9 Blaze FM in my college days), but I have a soft spot in my heart for college radio.  Today I have to shout out 88.5 WRAS GSU's radio station. (Follow their Twitter)
 

I was having trouble finding anything good, and decided to start on the bottom of the dial.  I was immediately hit with Distorted Reality 3 by Win Win.  I can't find this one on youtube folks, so check the amazon link for a sample.  Electronic music really isn't my thing usually, but sitting in a traffic jam, it was great to just cool out to.

Now, I titled this entry "In salute of college radio," because only on college radio can you go from electronica to a cut from Syntax record's Night Owls 5: Bird Flu.  Specifically Praverb the Wyse – “Relying On God”
It's not the hottest track ever, but it's a solid joint, and I appreciate something positive on the radio.


As a side note, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but you should follow me on Twitter.  www.twitter.com/jvmaxwell

Ke$ha - Blow

Take a look at this:

She named her album "Cannibal."  Ke$ha is pretty short, and he lips are stained blue.  The only logical conclusion is that Ke$ha is a smurf, and she's eaten her brethren.


Now on to the song

"Back door cracked
We don't need a key
We get in for free
No VIP sleaze
Drink that kool-aid
Follow my lead
Now you're one of us
You're coming with me"

Drink the kool-aid?  Wonderful message.

"It's time to kill the lights and shut the DJ down
This place about to-
Tonight we're taking over, no one's getting out
This place about to blow "

Another lame party boast.

"Now what (What)
We're taking control
We get what we want
We do what you don't
Dirt and glitter cover the floor
We're pretty and sick
We're young and we're bored (Ha)"

What is with Ke$ha's obsession with glitter? Is it indicative of a future career as a stripper?

"We're young and we're bored" seems to be the central tenet of Ke$ha's music.  Who is this really speaking too?  I'm constantly seeing reports of youth who are more active politically, who are more committed to causes.  Kind of counter to the young and bored message.  That just sounds sad and hopeless, not fun and sexy like she's trying to portray it.

"Go insane
Go insane
Throw some glitter
Make it rain on 'em
Let me see them hands
Let me, let me see them hands"

Yet another song with a go crazy message.  Gah, we need a return to sanity folks.  This is Number 11 right now on the Billboard Hot 100.  Let's band together and knock it off the charts.  I'll do my part to hasten the end of Ke$ha's 15 minutes of fame.

I wish there were more to talk about and make fun of in this song, but it's so threadbare.  A testament to how awful it was,

Why didn't anybody tell me?! Fitz and the Tantrums - MoneyGrabber

WOW WOW WOW
Doing this blog has exposed me to a lot of terrible, terrible music that pollutes the airwaves.

Today was different though.  Today brought me this wonderful piece of awesome:

New retro motown soul music.  This song was so good I immediately bought the album.

Tity Boi - Boo (ft. Yo Gotti)

Prepare yourself... for laughter!   (video NSFW!   You've been warned.)

Video commentary: I haven't seen a video this low rent since Chalie Boy - I Look Good.  They have ONE unopened liquor bottle, a bunch of average looking women in tight dresses, and a car that they dance near. 

Enjoy the lyrics folks, they are nowhere else online.  You'll only find them here, painfully transcribed.

Let's start at the chorus:

"I just call her boo
I don't know her whole name
keep it on the low mane
all we eat is lo mein
Came from the block
now i got a whole thang
and you better put a lowjack on your hoe mane"

So you're having sex with a girl whose name you do not know?  Brilliant!  I think the low mane/lo mein wins an award for laziest rhyme of the year.

I hate the title "boo."  Adults who use this to refer to another person need to grow up.  It's so infantile, and indicative of a child like mindset.

"I just call her boo
I think her name is Shana
What I really know about a girl that drive da Honda
I just call her boo
Think her name is Esha
Might be Tasha
Might even be Keesha
All I really know her baby daddy want a feature
And when she ran up on me she d*mn near had a seizure
See I just call her boo
Think her name is Anna
Met her in Miami
Said she from Atlanta
I just call her boo
And she fi'in to scoop
And she like to drink and like to smoke my reefer too
See I just call her boo
Think her name was Tanya
I know she from Decatur
She got a stupid onion"

The intelligence level drops further and further.  Gah, what is this stupidity.  They lyrics are bad, and the delivery is worse.

Young Gotti chimes in next:
"Shawty stupid dumb thick I just call her red
Now that I think about it maybe I should call her head
She got that super fie
I can't even lie
She like a water park
She ain't never dry
And I just call her babe
And she just call me Gotti
Ain't no relationship
We just f*ckin' sharp
She got her own bread
Shawty scoop me in a drop
Her momma on some day curls
Her brother got them blocks
And she a college girl
Sophmore
I hit her in the dorm
On the hard floor
She got her sh*t together
So I respect her more
So if she ask me for some money she is not a whore"

You should call her head?  What respect your show your partners!  You gotta love the fact that she's not a whore because she's in college and asking for money.  Awful, awful, awful.   

Let's see where Tity Boi ends so we can all get out of here.

"I hate lame n*ggas so this a hate crime
Rich n*gga should of (unintelligible) on the bank sign
Got a glock 40 on my waist line
Just bought a new crib by the lakeside
What is life? Life is love and I love my girl.
So if life a b*tch then I'm tryin' a f*ck the world
Yeah I'm f*ckin' girl, you ain't gotta go back
Call and tell 'em that your p*ssy got kidnapped
And she layin' with her forehead on my sixpack
Yeah we got somethin' in common we like big stacks
Yeah I know her name, but I like to call her boo
You shoulda put a trip on her so she wouldn't move"

I have no words.  This is amateur hour, low grade crap.  In it's debut week on Billboard, this song is sitting at number 91.  People are listening to this crap.  Now that you know the lyrics, now that you know how awful it is, please turn it off when it comes on.  The less they play it, the easier it is to avoid on the radio.

Avril Lavigne - What The Hell

Back in 2002, evil Canadian Avril Lavigne invaded the US airwaves with "Complicated" and "Sk8er Boi."  Annoyingly catchy tunes and a pop punk persona with 'tude separated her from the bubble gum sweetness of Britney and Christina, and have kept her careering going, leading up to this:

Can I take a moment to address the video here?  The blatant Sony branding and Avril Lavgine branded perfume?  LAME!  The blatant commercialism kind of invalidates her crass "I don't care" attitude and double middle finger salute towards the end of the video.  She is too manufactured to pull of this message she's trying to convey.

Currently sitting at number 22 at the charts, this song peaked at 11.

"You say that I'm messing with your head (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
All 'cause I was making out with your friends (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)"

It's more than messing with his head when you make out with his friends.  That's called cheating. Clearly love doesn't hurt you that much, since you're not going to stop your "fun."

 "You're on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy"

Fellas, if your woman "just need[s] to be a little crazy," don't beg her to come back!  Let her go far, far away!  If she wants to go crazy, she'll end up driving you crazy.  Avril's beau in this song is clearly a glutton for punishment.

"All my life I've been good but now, woah, I'm thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me, you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell"

If you've been good all this time, why go bad now?  What caused the sudden flip into not caring?

"So what if I go out on a million dates (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You never call or listen to me anyway (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I rather rage than sit around and wait all day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Don't get me wrong. I just need some time to play-ay (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)"

If you want time to play, then there's an easy solution.  Break up!

"You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head
When I'm messing with you in bed"

Whoa, whoa whoa.... most of the song has been Avril seeming to want to get away from the relationship, but then we get to an out of place quartet of lines, where she admits she enjoys messing with his head (and she likes sex with him).  Dude, she LIKES screwing with you.  She's more than a little bit crazy, she's whole hog nuts!

Now, the song actually has an enjoyable retro-ish track to go along with it, but the lyrics are crap.   

(Today's bad song brought to you by request of my sister and recommendation of my wife.  Tomorrow will probably be Tity Boi ft. Yo Gotti  with the track "Boo")

New Feature! "Does It Hold Up?" The Late 90's Rap-Rock Misspelled Edition

Enjoying a 10 year old song led me to think about evaluating how well older songs hold up today.  Plus, it's nice to take a break for bashing every now and then.

Remember the late 90's and early 2000's?  Rock stations were plagued with rap-rock bands with misspelled names, lead by Limp Bizkit.  The Bizkit however, is not the topic of conversation, but I want you to summon Fred Durst's voice in your head and have it say "Biloxi, this is the real mother f***in' deal!"  Rock fans will immediately recognize the line as ruining the live acoustic version of "It's Been Awhile," and realize we're talking about Staind.

Today though, I did not hear "It's Been Awhile".  Instead, I heard "Mudshovel"

In my opinion, this song holds up pretty well.  Aaron Lewis is a great vocalist, which kind of makes up for the almost too angsty lyrics.  I found myself singing along, remembering my junior year of high school.  Staind seems to have largely run the course of their popularity, and Aaron Lewis is now branching out in to country music.

As a bookend to a song that still holds up, let's examine another artist who has transitioned into country music.

Now this does not hold up.  How did Devil Without a Cause sell 11 million copies?!  The is mediocre frat boy rap at it's lowest.  There was a certain sleazy, white-trash appeal 10+ years ago, but now I can only shake my head and be glad I never actually bought that disc.

Good Tunes Thursday Sublime - Wrong Way

Enjoy the classic tune Wrong Way from Sublime.  I remember this song being the one track I left on loop when I rented Aggressive Inline on my PS2 back in 2002.  Good times, good tune.

Gucci Mane - Mouth Full of Golds (ft. Birdman)

Dear readers, do you remember Mr. Paul Wall?  If not, allow me to refresh your memory.

Famous for pushing precious metal and gemstone encrusted "grills" and mediocre Texas rap, Wall exploded and then quickly faded away in to chopped and screwed obscurity, lost somewhere in a haze of sizzurp.

Grills were a ridiculous fad, and one I thought had died.  Until I heard this new masterpiece from my fellow Atlantan Gucci Mane.

"Please pardon me but I'm passin gas"

BEST OPENING LINE EVER!

I think this beats "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?"

The rest of his verse is an occassionally incomprehensible mess of lame rhymes.  Let's check out some more gems!
- "Don't test me, no tester
I rape you, like Chester"

Wow, he brought up Chester the molester.  Isn't that an elementary school playground rhyme?

- "I'ma tell you twice, cause it's Gucci two times
F*ck your clique and f*ck your wife"

Why the hostility towards wives?

Then the terrible chorus!

"Rich *ss n*gga with a mouth full of gold"
Repeated over and over and over!
Why, on God's green Earth, would you refer to yourself this way?  You're purportedly a millionare, and instead of buying some taste and class, you repeatedly blast the airwaves with this lowbrow trash.  Sadly, it's what we've come to expect from a man with a giant face tattoo.

YES!  Giant ice cream cone with "Brrr" and some lightening bolts.  (As a side note, who doesn't love the Electronic Arts EA tattoo?)  This man is a clown. A straight clown, with tens of thousands of fans and a voice that sounds like he's congested.  America, I BEG you, please begin to ignore this man, he and his Brick Squad ilk.

I'm not even gonna get into Birdman's verse, or Gucci's finale.  It's pure and utter garbage.  There is nothing in the lyrics that shows these rappers took more than two seconds to write their verses.  So far, it doesn't seem to be charting, but it's starting to get major airplay here in Atlanta.

Pop Musings 1

Today was a different day at work (assisting with a property audit as opposed to a normal day of accounting), so this blog post is gonna be a little different.  I heard some utter crap, but I feel like writing randomly.

-With fewer producers making hits (David Guetta, Dr. Luke, etc) songs are becoming more homogeneous than ever.  There was a time in the 90's when half the hip-hop songs on the radio were produced by Timberland and the other half were produced by the Neptunes, but it feels different today.  DJ Earworm is gonna have an easy time making a best of 2011 mash-up.  I mention this because Firework came on the radio, and the intro sounds quite similar to I Like It.  Different tempo, but same key. 

-Katy Perry has lame songwriters.  "Have you ever felt like a plastic bag?" is one of the worst opening lines I've ever heard.

-Roscoe Dash's song Show Out is a blueprint for why rappers end up broke.  We understand that rappers brag about material possessions they don't actually... posses, but this song takes the excess of modern rap to new levels.  I have a lot of money and spend it on foolish things.  What an amazing message!