Jennifer Lopez - On the Floor (ft. Pitbull)

Ok, it's kind of cheating, since this is only a Pitbull feature and not his song, but I was already spilling out vitrol for Pitbull, so here comes another dose.

Take a look at the video.  It's Jenny from the block, trying to remake herself into a relevant artitst after a long hiatus!

Crazy hairdo and weird dress?  It's Lady Gaga theft!
Straightened hair and skintight bodysuit? It's Beyonce theft?
Midriff baring outfit, with camera focus on the booty? It's Shakira theft!

Now, J.Lo was out before Gaga and contemporaneously with Beyonce and Shakira, but those artists have claimed those attributes in the public imagination.  I give her props for not pulling a Christina Aguilara "Not Myself Tonight" video and just straight up stealing Gaga's weirdness like so many artists are doing.  She borrows from three, and does a kind of video mashup.  Forgettable, but safely middle of the road. 


On to the music!

The little horn riff that plays throughout reminds of the Cirque du Soleil music my wife has played for me.  I guess it's an attempt to have a more international sound.  Heck, I don't guess, I know that's what it is.  How?  Because they randomly and pointlessly shout out international cities.  "Brazil Morocco London to Ibiza Straight to LA, New York Vegas to Africa"



[Pitbull]
"I'm loose
And everybody knows I get off the train
Baby it's the truth
I'm like Inception I play with your brain
So I don't sleep I snooze
I don't play no games so don't get it confused no
Cos you will lose yeah
Now pump it up
And back it up like a Tonka truck "


Everybody knows you get off the train?  WHAT?!  Everyone eventually gets off the train, even the homeless guy who rides it all day.  Gotta love the Inception reference that Will.i.am, amongst others, have already made.  The midget cannot rap. Why is he on this song again?  What does his guest verse bring? 

But wait! There's more Pitbull.

"That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy
Seven tray donkey donk
All I need is some vodka and some coke
And watch and she gon' get donkey konged
Baby if you're ready for things to get heavy
I get on the floor and act a fool if you let me dale
Don't believe me just bet me
My name ain't Keith but I see why you Sweat me
L.A. Miami New York
Say no more get on the floor"



Vodka and coke? That's an.. interesting drink combo.  OJ and vodka I've heard of.  Coke and rum I've heard of, but coke and vodka?  Keith Sweat reference? Lame, but funny.  He pulls it off like it's clever punchline.  Clearly he's a bit full of himself, but this is an occasion where "swag" can't make up for mediocrity.


Do we even need to look a J.Lo's lines?  "blah blah blah on the floor"  repeat ad naseum. 


This is garbage, plain and simple.  Peaked at number 5 on the Billboard Top 100, it's currently sitting at number 13!  I know in the last post I asked people to recognize the difference between club and radio songs.  That doesn't apply here, because this is mediocre on both club and radio levels.  This is about discerning between good music and bad music.  Take a serious, objective look at this.  Average beat, lame chorus, awful guest rapper.  Have our standards lowered this much?  Is Pitbull the only featured artist available?  I'm sure you could have gotten Ludacris at least.  Heck, he's recorded with Enrique Eglesias and Justin Beiber lately.