Billboard 100 for the week of June 23, 2012

Well, it's been quite awhile since I last posted anything on Today's Bad Song.  My Master's classes took up more of my time than I expected.  Since I last wrote, my mom passed, I lost my job, got a new job, and my wife had our newest child.  So, life has kept me busy.

That being said, let's dive into this week's Billboard list.  I take the train now instead of commuting, so lists like this (and reader suggestions, don't be afraid to send those in!) will help me make my posts.  Also, I'm not commenting on the videos, I'm listening to the songs on Spotify.  If I find a truly terrible song that is worth an individual post I'll cover it then.


1) Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe

You know, I kind of like this song.  If you've read anything I've written, I tend to be pretty negative about pop music, but this is enjoyable.  The beat reminds me of "Can't Get You Out of My Head" Kylie Minogue.  The lyrics are sweet without being overbearingly saccharine.  Dudes can get behind this song, as it involves something we like, an attractive woman coming up, handing over her number, and inviting them to call.  It's a sweet, puppy love song.  It doesn't detail a one night stand, it doesn't devolve into debauchery.  Ms Jepsen will sadly have to devolve like that to have a career of any length given how our culture treats female pop stars.

2) Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (featuring Kimbra)

I can't remember a time in recent history when I liked two songs in a row on the Top 10.  Initially seeing this guy's name made me think I'd hate him.  I avoided listening to him.  Then I heard this track, and now it's in rotation for me.  Why?  It's sonically pleasing.  Artfully arranged instrumentation, and a voice that reminds me a lot Sting in many ways.  There's nothing to hate here.  Can this streak continue?

3) Maroon 5 - Payphone (featuring Wiz Khalifa)

 

Nope.  Bland, unoriginal... I miss the Songs About Jane Maroon 5.  Collaborating with Wiz Khalifa?  He's about as lame as they are, so I guess it makes sense.  Crappy verse, added to get spins from Wiz's fans. NEXT!

4) fun. - We Are Young (featuring Janelle Monae)

If only the verse matched the catchiness of the hook.  Next time you're out with friends, say the first "Tonniiiiiggghhhhttt..." and chances are they'll respond with a "we are young."  The rest of the song is boring, and I don't think we'll be hearing much from fun. anymore.

5) One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful

It's a boy band aimed at tween and teen girls. It's stupid but inoffensive.  The nicest thing I can say is that if it came on the radio, I wouldn't feel an immediate compulsion to turn it off.  That's how boy bands make coin though, stupid music for stupid kids, but arranged well enough that parents don't rip the stereo's out of their cars.

6) Nicki Minaj - Starships

I'm not what one would call a fan of Ms. Minaj.  This song doesn't change that.  Crappy throwaway dance music, Nicki's annoying voices, and weaker than average bars.  Why is this popular?  I guess Red One has a magic touch.  For now.

7) Flo Rida - Wild Ones (featuring Sia)

It's Flo Rida.  You're going to get some fast rapping that sounds remarkably similar content wise to everything he's done before.  The featured female vocalist is nothing to write home about, though it's funny to hear her voice talk about wanting to shut down the club.  Overall, it's so dull that it is hard to write anything about it.

8) Rihanna - Where Have You Been

Oh boy... another Rihanna track.  I don't feel like listening to this right now.  Her vocals are weak, and the beat isn't interesting enough to keep me listening.  Wait... techno breakdown a minute and a half in?  That was unexpected.  If she wanted to be trendy it should have had a dubstep drop.  (Ok, looking on Spotify Rihanna – Where Have You Been - Hardwell Club Mix this exists and sounds much more dubsteppy.  I'm not surprised).

9) Katy Perry - Wide Awake

ZZZZzzzzzzzz...... This is the single to sell the deluxe edition of the album?  She's trying to sound adult and grown up I guess, but just last year she was shooting whipped cream and fireworks out of her chest.

10) Justin Bieber - Boyfriend

Did he just have a background whisper of "swag swag swag?"  Justin, your last name is Bieber, not Timberlake.  You'll never be Timberlake, no matter how hard your try.  I'll give you a few tips to get a little closer.
1) Don't say "swaggy"
2) Don't talk about Buzz Lightyear
3) Don't... be... Canadian.

You can really only fix the first two, but hey, it would be a start!